Hello all, Dr. K here. I know you haven’t heard from me since I passed, but I just haven’t had a reason to talk until now. See, I had been living a relatively quiet afterlife, that is, until writer/director David Ayer got in touch with me. He had apparently been praying to God, asking if there was any way he could get me back for a while to join the cast of Suicide Squad. Jesus is a big comic book nerd and his dad wanted to increase the chances of a DC movie being any good at all, so I was secretly added to the cast. Truth be told, I killed it. But then they cut me out for some reason!
To be frank, I’m a method actor and doctor. That means I do everything hardcore for the sake of high art and medicine. They didn’t report any of this in the news because my character reveal was set to be an explosive twist, but I was a pretty nasty freak on set. All that stuff Jared Leto did looks tame compared to my on-set antics. Honestly, he was really insecure and wanted to one-up me, the poor bastard. Go on, take a guess how I could do something more bizarre than sending people used condoms, a live rat, and a dead pig filled with bullets. How about helping people end their lives? Because that’s exactly what I did. During the shoot I assisted with the suicides of a ton of PA’s, a set designer, and the key grip, who did it on a dare. Eat that, Leto.
It just doesn’t make any sense. I was so good that people were legitimately afraid of me. I was even scared of myself. I’d never acted in anything before but I stayed in character the entire time and none of the cast knew what to do because I was such a wild card. It became pretty clear early on that I was the real star of this ensemble cast movie starring Will Smith and Margot Robbie. Those Hollywood execs probably just couldn’t handle it. I mean, I was just murdering every scene and assisting in the death of every person who told me they wanted to die during the entire 6 month shoot. If that’s not the definition of crushing it, I don’t know what is.
After watching the movie, it was as if they cut just about everything with me in it. I’m barely on screen at all. They probably have so much unused footage of me they could make it into a movie on its own, I’d reckon. Maybe that’s what they’re doing. They saw the rolls and thought, “Wow, this needs to be a standalone, give this guy an Oscar, listen to his jazz album, and check out his oil paintings — this guy is a real artist.”
Anyways, I’m back in Heaven now and because I’m technically “dead” again it’s likely my scenes will probably get released. That’s the good news about the death of a doctor is that all the stuff seems to come out.
If only Leto had asked for some “help” before I left.